Trusting People After Hurt

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Trusting People After Hurt

Have you been hurt by a partner that cheated on you or lied to from a friend? Maybe you have been betrayed or hurt in some other situation. Even if you still have pain from what happened, there is a chance that you can work to save your relationship. You can heal from the pain of the past and you can learn to be happy in your relationship no matter what happened.

Of course, being happy and forgiving will depend on how willing you are to do this. Here are some things that you can do if your partner hurt you and you want to move on and trust them again:

  • Be Vulnerable with Your Feelings

Once you have been hurt by someone, the best thing that you can do to fix this is to be vulnerable with how you are feeling. Learn to express what you are thinking and what you are feeling. Don’t hide these things.

You can find people that you still trust like your best friend or your family and talk to them about your feelings. Of course, you have to be vulnerable with your partner again if you are going to let them back into your life. This is one way that you can heal, and you can let go of the pain.

If you need to, talk to a therapist, and allow yourself to express what you are feeling and to talk about your hurt and betrayal.

  • Grieve and Feel

You need to give yourself time to grieve and time to feel whatever you are feeling. This is a way that you can start to heal. If you need to scream or cry, do it. You trusted this person with everything in you and now that trust is gone and it’s okay to grieve over this.

Don’t keep your feelings bottled up but allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need to. It takes time for people to heal so whatever this looks for you, do it. You can fix your relationship if you learn to deal with your emotions.

  • Take Your Time

You don’t have to hurry up and heal. You can take as long as you need. You don’t owe anyone a reason to take time to feel better. You need to allow yourself to process what happened on your own time.

  • Blaming

What someone else did to you isn’t your fault and you need to not take all the blame for it. You didn’t deserve to be betrayed. Don’t blame yourself for what your partner did but do take responsibility for the things that you did.

If you have someone trying to blame you for why they cheated, don’t let them. You need to explain to them why they broke your trust.

  • Take the Space You Need

If you live with your partner and they cheated on you, take space until you are ready to be in the same house with them again. You should have the space that you need from someone that hurt you.

A partner that wants to fix things will respect the space that you need for as long as you need it.

  • Communicate

It is important to communicate with your partner and to talk about what happened and why. You need to know why they betrayed you and why they lied to you. Ask questions and make them explain why they did what they did.

People will lie to you and if you want to fix things, they have to be willing to talk it through even at the risk of losing you. Notice how your partner reacts to what they are telling you and if they get defensive, this might be a sign that they aren’t ready to fix things.

  • Listen

On the other hand, make sure that you are listening to what they are saying to you. You have to let them tell you their side of the story as well. Don’t blame them and point fingers but learn to just listen.

By listening, you can fix things that have went wrong and you can learn to start building your trust again.

  • Forgiveness

One thing that has to happen if you will fix your relationship is there to be forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself and you have to forgive your partner. Even if you decide to not fix things, you still have to forgive and not hold a grudge against them.

In order to forgive, it will be important for them to apologize to you. Once you decide to forgive you need to focus on the good parts of the relationship.

Don’t forget to forgive yourself for the role that you played in the relationship going bad. If you did things that were wrong, forgive yourself for it.

  • Live in the Now

You can’t change the past and you have to learn to live in the now. If you’re ever going to get over your partner hurting you, you have to do your best to forget the past and concentrate on what is going on in front of you now.

Choose to be better and not bitter. Take the time that you need so that you can heal and move forward without being angry.

  • Future Ideas

Once you decide to look forward, start making future plans with your partner. By doing this, you can learn to not be bitter, and you can help decide what is going to happen next. If you plan on staying together, figure out how you are going to make the relationship better in the future.

  • Keep Trusting

Don’t stop trusting people just because you got hurt. Not everyone in your life will hurt and betray you and just because your partner lied doesn’t mean everyone else will.  Don’t stop trusting everyone just because one person hurt you.

  • Let Them Make Amends

It is important that you let your partner make amends if you are going to stay with them. Give them a chance to build their trust with you. You need to let them earn your trust back if you are going to stay together.

Appreciate the effort that they put into fixing things and even if you aren’t ready to forgive them, let them try to make things better.

  • Trust Your Own Self

You have to not only learn to trust your partner, but you also have to learn to trust yourself. Even though you have been lied to, it doesn’t mean that you were the problem. By trusting yourself, you can build your confidence.

Make good decisions and allow yourself to have strong inner strength. Don’t suffer and have no trust in yourself just because your partner hurt you.

  • Set Boundaries

You have to talk to your partner about boundaries and be clear. Tell them what you want and what you won’t accept in your life. Be very clear in what you want and make sure there are no questions. If you decide that you are going to stay together, make sure that your partner knows the consequences if he breaks the boundaries.

  • Don’t Be a Victim

Don’t be a victim and have that mentality but instead be strong. You need to take action to make things better and you can do this. Don’t label yourself a victim and let other people look at you and feel sorry for you.

  • Make the Relationship Work Together

If you are going to trust your partner again, you have to work together to fix the relationship. This isn’t something that should be one-sided. Find ways to improve your relationship together. Start by telling your partner what you expect and work on making this happen.

Make sure that you are both putting in the effort and this can help you to grow closer together. This is one way that you can keep building your trust for them.

  • Make New Memories

Instead of focusing on things that happened when your partner betrayed you, start making new memories together. Find new things to do and find new hobbies to experience together. Go to new places when you date and take trips away to new places.

You can make new memories that bring you peace and this can help to start getting rid of the negative memories that you have.

  • Build Your Self Esteem

Most of the time when there is a betrayal, your self-esteem will become less. Take time to build your own self-esteem and to learn to enjoy things in your life. Enjoy what you do and take up a new class or find a new hobby that you can do even on your own.

Do a self-care routine so that you can feel better. Even though your partner hurt you, you are more than your pain. Find out how to be happy and to live a better life.

  • Talk to Someone

Find a counselor or a therapist that you can talk to. This is a way that you can explain what you are feeling and be in a safe zone. You might even decide that you are going to go to couples therapy so that you can work on the relationship together.

Let these people give you advice that you need, and you can learn to start building your trust again.

  • One on One Therapy

You can do some one-on-one therapy so that you can talk to someone and reveal your feelings without having to do it with other people. Share what you are feeling and what you are thinking and let them guide you down the right path.

Final Thoughts

Almost everyone has experienced some kind of hurt or betrayal. If you have experienced this in your life, you need to learn how to heal. Try some of the steps above or do whatever it takes to rebuild your life.