Relationships are never easy and when you are in a long-term relationship or a marriage, you might stay in the marriage because of things like having kids or because you don’t have enough money to financially make it on your own. But when you stay, chances are that you really do love your partner even if you don’t feel the love like you used to. Being in love isn’t always something exciting.
There are going to be things that happen in your relationship that might not seem fun. Sometimes it will feel like the love and the spark is gone. You will need to dig deep to ask yourself why you got married in the first place. If you can’t find that spark you will likely end the relationship but if you can figure out how to get this love back, you can get past the staleness of your relationships and find your joy.
Make Changes
When your relationship gets hard, you have to decide that you’re going to make changes. You have to figure out what is going on in your relationship and what you’re missing. It will be hard for you to make a plan if you don’t embrace change.
Here are some things that you might need to discuss together:
- Intimacy
Know what you want and tell your partner what you expect when it comes to bed.
- Communicating
You need to be able to talk to your partner if you ever want your relationship to be healthy.
- Fun
It is important to have fun and to do things that bring excitement into your life. Take a class or do some kind of exercise or activity that you enjoy.
- Food
Make food and cook together. This can give you a chance to talk about things and to have conversation while you do something you both enjoy.
- Share the Responsibilities
It is important that you share the responsibilities of the housework, the chores and raising the children.
- Travel Together
Take time to travel together and to spend time somewhere that you’re not used to being. Take a trip together for the weekend or for longer.
- Be Honest
You must be honest with each other, and this is a way that you don’t put each other down or call each other names.
- Work Together
Both of you have to learn to work together and be united.
- Be Consistent
Being consistent and staying in a routine can help. Do things that are romantic and do things for each other.
What Causes the Romance to Die Out?
Here are some reasons that your romance might be fading:
- You aren’t working to impress each other.
- There is no energy after working.
- The times you’re intimate are few and far between.
- There isn’t time for sex.
- The other person is waiting for the other to be romantic.
- There isn’t a big sex drive.
- The work schedules have you being home at different times.
- You’re too tired to do anything after working all day.
- You’re fighting too much to enjoy the romantic moods.
- There is dishonesty and hiding things.
- The kids are the main focus of life.
- Others are giving advice that you’re listening to instead of listening to each other.
- Doing activities that are separate from each other.
- Being jealous or punishing each other.
- Not taking time for private intimacy.
- Spending too much money and one person always feels like they are stuck paying the bills.
- Substance abuse or other addictive behaviors.
- Infidelity.
- Distrust.
- Not wanting to talk to each other.
- Being bored with the routine of life and not having enough fun with each other.
When the Romance Dies
Once the romance starts fading it can be hard to not focus on the issues. The goal is to make the romance come back to life and not to look at the things that are broken without a plan. Even if the problems are big, you loved each other once and you can love each other again.
How to Fall Back in Love
There are things that you can do to fall back in love with each other such as:
- Do things together that you both enjoy.
- Start doing things over again that you once loved.
- Be honest about what you want in the relationship.
- Even when things are hard, talk about it.
- Talk about what you want when it comes to sex.
- Take time for just the two of you.
- Make time to spend with each other at least once a week.
- Don’t stay up too late if you’re too tired for romance the next day.
- Pay attention to your own appearance and keep yourself kept and looking good for your partner.
- Dress up and impress your partner.
- Go to the gym.
- Talk over coffee at least once a week.
- Don’t fight when you go to bed even if you have a disagreement.
- Make your bedroom a place that is about the both of you only.
- Focus on cooking dinner together without being on your phone.
- Work out.
- Buy or do nice things for your partner.
- Surprise each other with simple things like a meal or a night walk outside.
- Take your partner to the movies once a month.
- Give them a card that is physical for no reason.
- Focus on things you like about them and tell them.
- Be patient and take the time to rebuild without being frustrated.
- When things start messing up, reset and start again to try and get the spark back.
Final Thoughts
Even if you are just seeing a slight change in your relationship, it is time to start doing things that can make your romance come back to life. Don’t give up on things and remember things didn’t get bad overnight and fixing things will take time.
Set goals that are personal for you and your partner to fix things and to try and get the romance spark back. Even if you try and it fails, try again, and don’t stop until you get somewhere. If you go back to the old habits of not showing love to each other, notice this right away and fix it so that you don’t destroy the spark you started fixing.
It can be hard to make any relationship work but if you love your partner, and you once did, you can do what it takes to fix things.