People in your life will impact how you feel. They will either help you to have joy and peace or they will cause you to be angry and frustrated. Each person should have relationships in their life that make them feel good and help them to live their best lives. It is important to notice toxic traits right away.
Understanding Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships are relationships that can cause someone to feel bad. This will be caused by someone that is selfish or someone that takes and never gives. This can also be someone that drains you of your energy or someone that only cares about themselves and has no regard for your feelings.
Being kind to others is important but if someone is serving everyone else instead of you, this will lead to problems in the relationship. When there are problems and challenges, it can cause a healthy relationship to be changed to a toxic one.
People often talk about toxic relationships being romantic, but these relationships can be co-workers, parents, family, and friends.
Abuse Versus Toxicity
It is important that you never think that an abusive relationship is a toxic relationship, there is a difference. If you are with someone that is abusing you, get out of the relationship right now. If you are trapped by physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, get the help you need right away.
Signs of Being in a Toxic Relationship
Here are some signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
Feeling Unsafe
This doesn’t mean that you are being abused and that you feel physically unsafe, this unsafe means emotionally. You feel that you aren’t able to share what you are feeling without being put down or without being heard. Maybe you are always worried that they will act ridiculous if you are honest with them.
Being in a good relationship means that you are able to talk to your partner and that they are accountable for what they do. You should be able to talk to your partner about the good things in your life and about the things that are hurting you. This means you are being loved to the fullest extent.
You might not share your hurt with people that are more distant like an in-law, but you should have a friend that you can share your relationship and your hurt with.
No Communication
Having communication that is healthy is important in every kind of relationship. If you talk to someone and they blow things out of proportion or they don’t listen, this is toxic. They should never judge you or be upset that you are talking to them.
Being honest doesn’t mean that everything is fixed, but you should be able to tell people what has hurt you and what you need if they care about you. Conversations that are emotional often lead to arguments and it can cause problems, or one person might give silent treatment.
Other problems in communication include:
• Gaslighting.
• Manipulation.
• Dishonesty.
• Judgement.
• Not asking for clarification.
Feeling Unloved
One problem in relationships is when someone in the relationship feels unloved or neglected. People need others in their life that honor and care for their needs. It’s not like you can’t take care of yourself but someone that is in a healthy relationship with you will care about what is going on in your life and will want to help you. They will not ignore you or ignore your needs.
Losing You
People that are toxic will normally only care about themselves. They will turn everything in life ab out them. They will find that they want to be pleased all the time and you will see that you can’t make this happen. Chances are that these people will violate the values that you have and will do things to make you not happy, anxious, or uncomfortable.
You are the one that has to take care of yourself. You have to set boundaries that are healthy, and you have to live your life in regards to your values. Toxic people are often angry and they cross boundaries and so you have to make sure that you keep these up strong.
Getting Judged
Most people have strange behaviors and weird things that they do. Any relationship that you are in should be about getting to know you and understand you and not judging you. If you like to stay up late and sleep in, that is okay. Your partner might not understand, and they should just ask and not just think you are being lazy.
Everyone needs someone that will be in their life that will challenge them to be better. We need people that will care for us no matter what and not toxic people that will judge and put you down.
Feeling Ashamed
A toxic person will make you feel that you aren’t good enough. They will take the things that you do and turn them around to make you feel ashamed. They will be immature, and they will look at everything that you have done wrong and will tell you about them. They will point things out about you that you have done.
No Empathy
Empathy is important and you should have empathy for other people, and you need your own empathy, as well. When someone is suffering, you should care for them and strive to help them.
A toxic person is someone that focuses on their own problems, and they are the ones that want all the empathy. They want someone to care about what they are feeling and only what they are going through. Even though they won’t care about your feelings and hurt, they expect you to care about them.
Being Dysfunctional
If you are someone that had a dysfunctional childhood, you might be in the same situation as an adult. You might take on a role as the child or the parent and you might be trying to fix things along the way.
If you are in a toxic relationship, it might be because you are not growing with that person. You have to be willing to grow and to heal and change what held you back in the past.
Being Manipulated
Do you feel that you are being manipulated or controlled? Your partner might look at your relationship and use it against you to get what they want. If you get upset, they will buy you things to get you back, but they are probably the one that upset you in the first place.
Don’t let manipulation control you and make sure that you are with someone that brings you peace and joy.
Living in Anger
Toxic people are people that are often sarcastic. If you feel that you can’t do anything right around this person, they are toxic. Do they get angry fast? Do they stay anger and not support you? You know this is toxic, especially if you are hiding their behavior.
How to Handle a Toxic Relationship
Here are some ways that you can handle a toxic relationship:
- Stop analyzing their behavior. You can control your thoughts, but you can control your actions, but you can’t control everyone else.
- Notice their behavior. If they keep hurting you, they are showing you things without having to talk about it.
- Figure out if you are in a toxic season or if this is going to be forever. If you have just gone through a major life change, this can cause a toxic season.
- Figure out what kind of relationship that you want and if you aren’t getting it with your partner then find someone else and move on.
- Talk to someone that you can trust such as a counselor or a friend.
- Figure out new relationship skills that you can learn such as forgiving yourself, setting boundaries, being vulnerable and more.
- If you need to leave, get out. Don’t stay in a relationship that is not healthy for you.
- Create healthy relationships with your partner. Don’t give up on love and all relationships because people will hurt you but not everyone is toxic. When you get into a good relationship, try to keep it, and try to make sure that you are safe and happy.