Everyone that is in a relationship has to give and take. What happens if you find that your relationship is one sided and it is to the point where it is beginning to feel toxic? Maybe you go out with a friend and you ask them what is going on and they tell you negative things for a half an hour or if you are busy and you have a friend that is always asking you for favors. Maybe you planned on going on date after date and your partner hasn’t once made a plan.
How do you stop this from happening over and over in your life? There are ways that you can make your relationships better.
What Causes Selfishness?
People are selfish sometimes because they forget that they are strong in their emotions. Some people have low emotional intelligence, and this causes them to become selfish and to want things done for them and them alone.
These are the people that go out of the way to meet their own desires and to forget the feelings and needs of others.
This can be a pattern that you see in people around you and it comes across to you as being selfish. If you learn to look at things differently though, you can see that people are not always the same and you need to have compassion to see them through this. If they were raised differently than you, chances are they weren’t valued, and no one ever regarded their feelings.
Some people have this happen to them from childhood and instead of someone caring about their feelings, they are ignored. People do not become compassionate because it is part of them, they have to learn this emotion and learn to let it be part of who they are.
Calling Out Bad Behavior
If you have a friend or family member that doesn’t realize how annoying they are, you have to be careful how you talk about it. Sometimes they don’t even know they have bad behavior.
When people react badly, it means they have low emotional intelligence and if you say anything it can cause them to feel offended or to feel upset. You have to be careful that you do not approach this head on, or it will cause them to be defensive.
Everyone has to have boundaries in their relationship. This is important and helps you to react and be a certain way. When you set boundaries for people in your life, it allows there to be balance and allows you to not let negativity fill your life.
We have to make sure that we are able to get our own needs met by people that are in our life and not just meeting theirs.
If you want to stop the bad behavior of a selfish person, the best thing you can do is just be silent. Don’t waste your energy trying to change them.
You want to spend time with someone that you love but when they are self-centered, you will see that you are no longer able to put up with them and you will have less and less friends. This can cause you to feel lonely. They might not feel bad about how they acted because sometimes they don’t even realize it.
Learning to be compassionate when someone talks is hard to do sometimes but it can make the relationship stronger.
A Selfish Partner
If you have a selfish partner and you notice this from the beginning, the best thing to do is break it off right away. Do not allow yourself to get serious about this person or think that they will change over time.
Long term relationships or marriage need to have someone talk to them if there are emotional struggles. There has to be skills that will be learned to help the partners feel present with each other. They need to learn to appreciate their partner as well.
A friend that is selfish is probably a friend, but you have to learn to have relationships with people that are more generous and are more balanced.
Family Members and Boundaries
Boundaries are hard to set when it comes to your family. Setting boundaries can cause them to be angry at you. Just learn to pay attention to what you are going to say to them and what you agree to do. Do not always say yes just because you feel that you might disappoint someone.
The best way to handle this is to lower what you expect them to act like and just enjoy your time together because you are not going to change them.
Make sure that you are not trying to be a people pleaser. Look at what you are giving and make sure that you aren’t always saying yes when someone wants something.
When you do too much for others, you enable them to keep using you. If you don’t get what you need in return, you need to learn to ask for things. Make sure that you know that you are worthy and when they put out energy, match it up.