People often talk about white lies or a little lying and how it will never hurt anyone. The truth is this is a lie. When you think of love, if you believe that little lies will not hurt or destroy love, then you are living in a dangerous situation.
Why would you want to be with someone if they think it is okay for them to lie to you whenever they want? A small lie can ruin a relationship fast and some couples keep lies between them.
Why People Lie
A person that is lying is either doing it because they are afraid, they will hurt your feelings, or they are just being mean spirited. Some people lie because they are afraid to tell the truth. They are afraid what will happen when they tell you what they are or have done.
When someone is in love and they are lying, they do this because they are afraid of losing the person that they love. They might have done something that would be painful to the other person so instead of facing it, they make the decision to lie.
They do not want to have to deal with the consequences of what they did wrong.
Lying and Relationships
Lying is something that is very common. People do not always even count their lies as lies and they call it different things.
Some people call it stretching the truth or a white lie, so that they can feel better about themselves and what they are doing.
Lies Told in Relationships
Here are some of the lies that are often told in relationships:
- That outfit doesn’t make you look fat.
- I’ll be there in 10 minutes.
- The football game is almost over.
- I am okay (even if they aren’t).
- This only cost me $20.
- No, he isn’t handsome.
There are many smaller lies that are told on a daily basis. These are lies that people tell so that they don’t hurt someone else’s feelings. They tell these lies to make life seem easier to them. The lies can cause problems, but bigger lies will cause even bigger problems.
Some big lies are told in relationships such as who and how many people you have slept with, being faithful in the relationship, who they were with, what they want for the future and more.
Some people will lie and say that they love someone even though they know that they no longer love them or have never loved them. They do this because they are trying to protect that person and themselves.
Love and Lies Cannot Work
Love is something that is supposed to be about truth and honesty. If you cannot trust someone you are with, there can never be a real relationship. You cannot have a good relationship with someone that is going to lie to you and someone that you can no longer trust.
You will always think that they are up to something and that you are being lied to, even if you aren’t. This will cause you to lose trust and will stop the relationship from being strong.
After things are said and done, the lying will cause you to pull away from the person you were close with. You will know that they are lying to you and hiding things, and this will cause you to question if they really love you.
When someone hides things in the relationship, this shows that you do not know them, and you don’t even know who they are. Being in a loving relationship means that you love someone for who they are but if they are lying to you, then you will no longer even know who they are.
Guilt and shame
People that are lying know that they are not doing what is right. They will try to say that they were just trying to protect someone, but they keep hiding things and keep lying.
These actions will cause guilt and will cause someone to leave the relationship. If they don’t leave, they will no longer feel like they can trust someone, and this will cause there to be much guilt and shame.
When you feel bad about lying to someone, it will cause you to feel like you cannot be around them or face them ever. This will also cause you to feel fearful because you will be afraid that they will catch you in your life. This will cause your relationship to end.
A person that knows that you are lying will never really trust you. They will know that you lie a lot, and this will make them think that you are always lying when you talk to them.
Even if they have given you a reason to lie, there is no excuse. You will not be able to blame your lies on them and their reaction. Doing this will cause you to take a situation that was not meant to be hard and to overreact about it. It will cause many fights and arguments.
When you do these things, your partner will not understand why you are always questioning them, but this will happen because you are having a hard time believing them.
You might believe that your lies are not a big deal, but your partner will not agree with you. Even if you think your lies are small, when your partner finds out about them it will cause many problems.
Love and lies is not something that goes together. You cannot be in a solid relationship if you are full of lies. If you want the relationship to be fixed, you will have to take action to make sure that the truth is being told. You will have to face the consequences that you have because of your lying, and you will have to allow your partner to be angry with you.
If you are lying and you want to stop making things hard in your relationship, here is what you can do:
Stop Your Lying
Do not keep lying. You have to stop telling even small lies if you are going to fix your relationship.
Admit Your Lies
You will need to take time to admit the things that you have done wrong and admit your lies. You will not be able to tell other lies and you will not be able to lie and think that love will be strong.
Ask for Forgiveness
Ask your partner to forgive you for lying to them. You do not need to make things better; you just need them to forgive you. Don’t make up reasons why you lied or blame them, just accept your consequences.
You will have to face the consequences of your lying. If you cheated on your partner, they will be upset with you, and it will be hard to fix. If you lied about it, that is a double whammy, and you will have to show that you are sorry and accept whatever they choose.
Show empathy to your partner and be compassionate when they show their anger and when they are upset because of you.
Ask What They Want
To have a real relationship, there has to be truth and trust. If this is broken, you will have to do what you can to make things better. You will have to let them decide what they want in the relationship and if they want to stay with you.
People sometimes need to get help with their lying. If you are in a relationship where the emotions are high and you are always dishonest, talk to a counselor and let them help you. This can help to make the relationship better and to heal all of the hurts.
When this happens, there has to be open communication and you have to be able to talk to make the relationship stronger. Talking to someone can help you to see where your dishonesty comes from, and it can help you to learn to tell the truth.
You can do therapy over video chat, online or even messaging. Once you talk to your therapist, they can help you to overcome hard things in your relationship and to help you to get past things that you are struggling with.