How to Handle Stress in Relationships

Relationship problems are another type of “stress” we all experience occasionally. Conflicts can arise with our spouse, parents, children, friends, co-workers, employees, bosses, or even with total strangers.

As common as our relationship problems are, we often misunderstand what causes them to occur. They often come from hidden conversations and action patterns within us, not from the behavior or attitudes of others. The problem is we often don’t notice the role that we play.

Stressful life circumstances, such as not having enough money to pay the bills, family members with health problems, or figuring out who will do what of the too-much work of running a home, can clearly create stress in relationships.

In addition, most people are confused about what it takes to create happy, successful, long-term interpersonal relationships.

What matters is how a couple talks over these stressful problems either reduces or magnifies the tensions caused by the initial problem.

How To Deal With Relationship Stress

Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going, and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround. They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error. They Communicate.

Relationship Problem: Communication

All relationship problems stem from poor communication, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. “You can’t communicate while checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section,” she says.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Make an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
• If you can’t “communicate” without raising your voice, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as “You always …” or “You never ….”
• Use body language to show you’re listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick your nails. Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message, and rephrase if necessary.

Solutions That Can Save a Relationship

• Money Issues

Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic. Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other’s tendencies. More importantly, each person should be allowed independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.

• Conflict Issues

Occasional conflict is a part of life, But if you and your partner feel like you’re starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day —, the same lousy situations keep repeating daily — it’s time to break free of this toxic routine. When you make an effort, you can lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.- You and your partner can learn to argue more civilly and helpfully. You must realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react. Be honest with yourself. When you’re amid an argument, are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it’s best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.

• Trust Issues

Trust is a key part of a relationship. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others?

You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips.

• • Be consistent.
  • Be on time.
  • Do what you say you will do.
  • Don’t lie — not even little white lies to your partner or others.
  • Be fair, even in an argument.
  • Be sensitive to the other’s feelings. You can still disagree but don’t discount how your partner is feeling.
  • Above all, Be a good listener.

Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship,  both can do things to minimize marriage problems, if not avoid them altogether. BE realistic. Do you think your mate will meet all your needs and will be able to figure them out without your asking? “Ask for what you need directly,”

Use HUMOR — learn to let things go and enjoy one another more.

Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and look at what needs to be done. Don’t think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address problems, the same lack of skills that get in the way now will still be there and cause problems no matter your relationship.