Since guys are usually down for sex anytime, anywhere, something’s probably up when your man’s suddenly not up for naughty time.
Is he losing interest in you? Is he cheating? Is he just too stressed? Or, is he having performance issues? There are several things that can kill a man’s libido. Here are the eight big ones and what you can do to about every one of them.
There is a group of psychologists who suggest that something called the “Coolidge Effect” exists, which urges male mammals (including man) to become biologically inclined to lose interest in a long-term sexual partner. The theory is that by doing so they will be more inclined to impregnate a new partner and populate the world at a faster rate. However, there is also something called love, which enables a man to withstand his fluctuating sexual interests and communicate with his partner so that the two of them may find new ways to continue to make sex fun.
According to a Danish study of 5,000 men and women, a circumcised man is more likely to have difficulty reaching orgasm and so is his partner. Circumcision reduces male sensitivity, whereas having intact genitals produces a “gliding” effect that is more pleasurable for both partners. However, lubrication can help produce the same sensation, so invest in something with quality ingredients that is compatible with your method of birth control.
Men are affected by their relationships much more than society gives us credit for. And while the Coolidge Effect suggests that a man’s desire can decline over time, a bigger problem is the decline of his relationship over time. Low sexual desire is often more of a mental problem than a physical, and anger or frustration with a partner can cause a man to avoid sex entirely. Sometimes improving sex with your partner is less about the form and function and more about how the rest of your relationship is going. Work on your communication skills to improve intimacy or seek the help of a relationship counselor.
4. Fear and Anxiety
Men can have performance anxiety and that’s definitely a libido killer. Fearful or anxious thoughts could creep into his mind during an intimate moment and turn him off before he ever really gets turned on. If this every happens in the midst of things, don’t make a big deal out of it. Try snuggling for a while or change what you’re doing. There’s always next time.
5. Stress and Depression
Stress and depression are huge libido killers for men and women. Not only does stress diminish sex drive, it can also cause the body to reformulate its hormone production to include less of the stuff that makes sex good, and more of the stuff that makes sex bad or non-existent. This is why every man and woman should have an arsenal of stress-busting tips, like exercise, a healthy diet, meditation, etc.
6. Alcohol and Drugs
Men often turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with their stress and anxiety and both substances are libido killers. And when it comes to drugs, I’m not just talking about the illegal stuff. Many antidepressants, blood pressure medications and even chemotherapy drugs can have a negative effect on a man’s libido. If a doctor is prescribing medication, it’s likely that the pros of taking them outweigh the cons. But a man can still talk to his doctor about the negative sexual side effects. Maybe they can take a different dose or a different drug. If not, hopefully he’s with an understanding partner who is open to exploring other ways of being intimate.
7. Lack of Sleep
Sleep is important for healthy testosterone production. A man who only gets about five hours of sleep a night for several days can experience a 15% drop in his testosterone production, according to one study by the University of Chicago. One solution would be to go to bed earlier and work on getting better quality sleep. He could charge his phone on the other side of the room. He could cool the air with a quiet fan. A lot of people like to listen to white noise when they sleep. The list goes on and on. Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep!
8. Secret Porn Stash
It’s actually not the porn itself that’s the problem. It’s the shame and secretiveness that comes with it. Men are drawn to porn for a number of reasons. The problem with porn is that it’s extremely addicting. Porn is fantasy, not reality and some men can’t distinguish between the two. Other men choose to keep their porn stashes secret because they think or know that their partners would not approve. If porn gets in the way of your sex life, discuss reducing the amount of time watching it or consider watching it together.