Are you sick and tired of jumping from one website to another trying to find “Mr. Right” and attempting to just settle for “Mr. Kind of OK”? Read on because this one is for you!
It’s frustrating; you give up for months at a time, thinking all the good fish are either dead, taken, or that the pond is flooded with toxic waste. You always go back because there is no magical place to look. You’ve tried everywhere to find that special someone: Whole Foods, The Mall, Costco, Trader Joe’s. That last one is a bit misleading… I couldn’t find anyone named Joe anywhere, let alone to be able to trade him in. I have no idea what The Weather Girls were talking about when they started singing “It’s Raining Men” Where? I look out my window whenever I hear those raindrops and… nothing!
So what’s left for you ladies… ugh, just Online Dating! Oh, I have tried to get the sites to allow you to post reviews and star ratings after your dates with these guys just like you do for us after each call (imagine that just for a moment… hee hee), but no one will listen! So I started thinking, how can I help? I have read so many of these fish, and during my readings, there must be something I can do, so of course, I compiled a list of them.
Here is my list of the types of guys you may encounter when dating online:
1. THE SERIAL DATER– You must have met him at least once during your online dating journey. He sends you a copy-and-paste message he sends to all his victims (I mean matches). He says all the right things, he’s so romantic, wants to talk fast, go out even faster. Then BOOM moves right on to the next one.
2. THE ESCAPED CONVICT—You know this guy. He seems like fun. You go out a few times and get close, but you can’t get him closer. He loves his freedom too much and will just never settle down.
3. THE ADRENALINE JUNKIE – This guy is good at what he does. He hooks a lot of peeps; he’s in it for the rush. Every girl is a new challenge. He studies your profile, gives you all of himself, comes on strong until he has you… then he’s gone!
4. THE JUGGLER – aka The Player. This guy is good. He’s a combo of 1, 2, and 3 above. He has all their qualities with a bit of ego attached and loves to juggle 2 to 5 ladies at a time. Hint: he’s a very busy guy.
5. THE TOYS R US KID—Remember the old jingle, “I don’t want to grow up, because if I did… I couldn’t be a Toys R Us kid!” This guy is ridiculously immature and has major commitment issues.
6. THE OTHER HALF – No, not your other half. HIS WIFE’S! Usually, this one can’t text when he’s home.
7. MR. UNRELIABLE—This guy can also be a combo. There’s a little bit of him in the others, but he’s mastered the art of not texting and not following through. He’s just a giant no-show.
8. THE HORNDOG – This one is pretty self-explanatory. No dinners and dates here. Just phone sex, sexting, and SEX! This guy may leave you with a parting gift since he may sometimes also be known as “Mr. STD!”
9. THE CORNDOG – Sweet but boring, corny with a cheese side.
10. THE CREEPER – aka The Stalker, aka The Weirdo. This guy is cuckoo for Coco Puffs!
11. THE HOT MESS – This poor soul should not have started dating yet. He’s either recently widowed, recently divorced, or getting over a recent breakup. Don’t worry, you will hear ALL about it!
12. THE GOOD GUY – Responsible, kind, and loving. You date for a good period of time, then something happens. But you can always look back at least and say, “He was a good guy.”
13. THE DOUBLE DD – This is a special version of the divorced dad (also known as a DD). He’s fine, but the ex-wife and/or the kids… not so great.
14. THE SOUL BUDDY – Speaking of souls, he could be anyone but remember that this online dating journey comes with a life lesson.
15. THE SOULMATE—HA! I bet you didn’t expect this one. Yes, they do exist on these sites. I promise they really do. Times have changed, and soul mates have learned to use online dating sites, too. Don’t give up! When the time is right, you’ll catch the right fish!
My girls, to wrap this up on an important note, always remember that while Online Dating is easy to make light of, it is also very serious. Be aware of who you are talking to. Always arrange your first date in public, and let a family member or friend know where you will be and who you are meeting.
Be safe and have fun!
A very well-written article that depicts the common archetypes in the dating world. However, I would have liked more emphasis on how to identify potential warning signs early on.
That’s a great point, Judy. More detailed advice on spotting red flags early would be highly beneficial for anyone navigating the online dating scene.
The humorous tone of the article makes it an enjoyable read. It also serves as a reminder to stay vigilant while trying to find a genuine connection online.
I find the categorization quite amusing but also insightful. Online dating often feels like navigating through a minefield, and articles like this can help set realistic expectations.
An interesting read with a blend of humor and caution. It’s a good reminder to keep one’s guard up while also remaining open to the possibility of finding a true connection through online dating.
The article provides a rather comprehensive breakdown of the types of men one might encounter in the online dating world. It’s enlightening to have these categories laid out so clearly, although real-life experiences can still vary.
I agree with you, Gordo. It’s both humorous and somewhat poignant to see these types characterized so accurately. Still, it’s important to stay cautious and trust your instincts.
Certainly, the list is a good guide. However, it’s critical to remember that not everyone will neatly fit into these categories. Human behavior can be complex and unpredictable.