Have you ever gone on a few dates with a guy, thought things were going well, and then things fizzled out without warning?
I can’t tell you how many women write to me about this. They had a great couple of first dates, the guy kept asking her back out, she got her hopes up, and then the guy stopped initiating anything.
If this has happened to you, you know how disappointing it can be. But if you understand a guy’s process when it comes to dating, you can save yourself a lot of frustration and instead set yourself up for the kind of lasting love you’re looking for with the right guy.
In general, men think in a directed way, often about one thing at a time, while women can cover many topics quickly and can see the larger picture. Men think like a missile, homing onto a target. Women will wonder why we are at war. Men like to compete and declare a winner. Women compete as they manage and provision the battle scene. Men think in years. Women think in decades. Men and women are physically and biologically distinct. These differences may be honored, humored or rejected but they are the essence of life itself.
As you dance through your life, various stages in your relationship can be defined with a male impulse that is described below. This thought will cross your man’s mind. In some it will be strong. In others, it may be a fleeting consideration.
1. Early Bloom
When a relationship first begins, men like the chase. This is a primal impulse. Men like to hunt. At this stage, you must listen lightly. He wants something of you and he will say anything to get it. Early in a relationship there are a series of firsts, goals that must be accomplished. First Base, the first kiss, is always a big moment.
A woman makes the home. The man settles the homestead. He likes to secure things. Putting up a fence. Creating boundaries. Procuring necessities. He is engineering and settling his ownership. Once a relationship has been established, a man likes to find security. He will be quick to defend it.
A man with a family is motivated to keep the ball spinning in the air. A family is a busy organization with a cast of characters all moving in a different direction. The family is his foundation. It becomes the glue of his life. It is his pride and joy.
We place a value on everything. His memory of accomplishments and survival will prove to be a highly valued property that you can revisit endlessly. Men like to take stock, to determine the worth of everything. It is later in life that men will value and honor you the most.
These stages in life offer a clue into the mind of a man on a general scale. For example, infidelity highlights many aspects of the male species. What was he thinking when he cheated on you? He was not thinking. Naturally, women can see the long view, while the male mind thinks in shorter terms. Men think about now and their first impulse. You contemplate and see the bigger picture. However, just as women have been able to compete in the working world and adapt to a more directed way of being, men also must learn to adapt to a bigger picture and learn to take care of the future as well as the present.
Family is another situation. In the most traditional model of family relationships, he provides and you nurture. Women bear the brunt of the labor because men tend to think like children. Men create crazy quests and engineer schemes. Flights of his fancy will soar, while you stay grounded and practically minded.
Love is a long dance between the sexes. Sometimes it’s rock and roll. Other times, a slow dance. As a couple, like life, you move and change. Most of the time, we do not know what we are thinking, let alone the mind of our mate.
Will he ever understand you? No. Will you ever know what he is thinking? No, but you can get closer.